06.12.2011

Hey peeps. :D
I haven't updated my blog for a long while.

Well, that was because I was trying to figure out something.
Something quite important.

Two years.

It has already been two years.

I wonder if he remembers?

And if he remembers,

I wonder if he still cares?

There are some memories that mean the whole world to you.

But one day,

The person who made it all matter

Decided to forgot,

To not care abut them.

Now that hurts.

Once in a while,

I reminisce those wonderful,

Absolutely awesome memories.

I wonder what went wrong?

Fate loves to play around with people.

Just when I thought I had let go,

Just when I thought this dream has awaken,
Just when I thought I could start all over,

Just when I accepted my feelings for a very good friend,

We talked.

Yeah,

We TALKED.

Now, don't look at me this way.

We haven't talked or even chatted for AGES.

We talked about a particular person we both dislike.

And we were "sharing experiences".

Anyways,

We had a great time.
Going through all those stupid things.

But although we talked about everything,

We never even touched on the topic of us.

Of what happened between us.

Maybe he forgot.

Or maybe,

He just decided to not care about it anymore,

Just like what I guessed.

Oh well,

I don't know.

There is now someone new popping out in my life.

I'm overwhelmed by the rush of feelings I'm feeling for him.

So my internal world is currently out of order.

GAH...
Life is such a mess. :(

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14.11.2011

Eleven more days,

And it will be

THE DAY.

There are some memories that will stay with you forever.

Starting from the moment the incident happened,

Until the moment it became a memory,

Until the moment you give out your last breath.

No matter how much you want to forget,

No matter how hard you try to forget,

It would never be forgotten.

There may be incidents happening,

Trying to make you forget,

Trying to replace that unforgettable memory.

But no matter how important,

How stupid,

How incredible they are,

That unique moment can never be replaced.

THAT DAY,

Everything happened.

I got what I wanted,

And I was overjoyed.

Eleven days,

Just eleven more simple, short days,

I can't wait. :)

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27.10.2011

I am in such a HUGE mess,

And seriously out of breath.

I can't stand firm.

I can't.

No matter how many times I tel myself I can,

I CAN'T.

I'm pissed,

And tired,

But I want to go on.

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?

When he told me the bad news,

I felt devastated.

That devastation triggered me.

Why exactly did I feel sad?

Was it because I won't be having fun with a friend?

Or...

Was it because I won't be seeing his face for a long time?

Gosh.

We met by chance and became the best of friends,

But now I can't imagine life without you.

I think love you. :)

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04.10.2011

Birthdays are happy days.

So today is my happy day.

I'm now officially a TEENAGER.

A typically typical TEENAGER.

Gosh, I just love that word.

TEENAGER.
TEENAGER.
TEENAGER.

:DD

He didn't wish me Happy Birthday though,

A TEENY-WEENY LITTLE BIT disappointed.

But never mind.

One can't ask for too much, right?

At least I have friends who care about my birthday.

A friend made me a birthday card.

She said sorry cause it was only a simple gift.

But who cares if it's simple?

All I care about is that it's made with love,

Deep from the heart.

Unlike some people who buy birthday cards.

Fancy they sure are,

But with no warm feeling at all.

So,

There's something I have to say to that friend:

Your so called simple present brightened up my whole day.

Loveyoulots.

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03.10.2011

True love cannot be forced,

Neither can it be rushed.

So let's start form holding the wrists,

Then slowly move down to the hands.

Can you wait?

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02.10.2011

When you have to make a hard decision,

And you have no idea what to choose,

Flip a coin.

Why?

Not because it settles your problem for you once and for all,

But because when the coin is in the air,

You suddenly know what you're hoping for.

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17.09.2011

To a particular liar/copycat/friend-napper:

GAH,

How could you be so hopeless?

It's not like you've committed a grave crime or what so ever.

You only BROKE the thermometer.

And you actually show us that you do NOT have the courage to admit that?

A LOT of people suspect you, dearie.

What does that make you feel?

Why do you have to be somebody like that?

How could you even sleep at night?

How could you sleep without having nightmares?

Ishh...

Now this matter has heated up,

And is now a MAJOR issue.

I find it funny though.

A human being,

Now being hated by TONS of people,

Because she broke a thermometer?

HILARIOUS.

All you have to do,

Is to move those few muscles you have in your mouth,

And say four simple words:

I

BROKE

THE

THERMOMETER.

And all will be better,

I promise.

Don't lie to yourself,

And don't lie to God, okay?

Cause God loves you a lot.

So don't sin against him and hurt him.

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09.09.2011

You know?

You make me loose my faith again and again,

When I forgive you again and again,

Only to let you hurt me again and again.

What in this big big world make me fall in love with you that much?

Yes,

I still remember everything,

All so vivid in my mind.

And yes,

I took it seriously,

Really, really seriously.

You said you wanted to keep it secret.

You said it was only you and me.

I asked you why,

You didn't explain.

I didn't understand,

So I told a friend.

Now, when I think back,

I finally understand,

The answer was so obvious,

Yet I didn't see it back then.

T R U S T

Simple, yeah?

Yet so complicated...

You didn't trust me back then, did you?

You didn't even trust YOURSELF, did you?

You didn't trust me,

That's why you said you wanted to keep it secret,

You didn't put your trust in that relationship.

You didn't trust yourself,

That's why you said "Sedikit"

You didn't trust yourself to love more then that.

For me,

It's a completely different case.

I trusted my friend,

So I told her.

I trusted you,

So I put my heart in and took it seriously.

But,

Oh well,

Looks like I trusted the wrong person.

She misused my trust,

And confronted you.

But she meant me well,

I don't blame her.

But then, that was when it ended,

That was when EVERYTHING ended.

My trust,

Thrown away like a piece of useless rubbish,

My heart,

Broken into a thousand tiny pieces.

Maybe we weren't ready for true love back then.

Maybe I was my fault it ended,

Maybe it was yours.

All the same,

It ended.

But I never stopped loving you.

Yes,

I never stopped.

Recently,

I heard rumors.

You and HER.

That broke my heart for the second time.

It shook my ground and my wall crumbled.

My friends are telling me your not worth the wait.

They're telling me I fell in love with a big, fat, stupid jerk.

They said I should give up.

And for the first time in such a long while,

I felt tired,

Exhausted,

I actually wanted to stop,

I wanted to give up everything,

To move on,

And to forget.

My body went berserk.

My mind was telling me:

He's not worth it.

It's not like you didn't give him any chances.

You did,

But he didn't treasure them.

So it's perfectly reasonable to give up on him.

After all,

He's not like the only guy in the whole universe.

My empty broken heart was telling me:

You KNOW you love him.

You KNOW you can't give up, not now.

You KNOW he's worth the wait.

You KNOW you can't bring yourself to forget about him.

And you KNOW even though he's not the only guy the the universe,

He's the only one who matters.

So why are you feeling so messed up?

The answer is obvious.

You loved him before,

You love him now,

And you know you will continue to love him.

No matter how many times you tell yourself you don't,

You know you do.

That is just about ow much destruction you can bring me.

And that's a lot.

I was torn apart.

Okay,

So I knew that one day you would fancy some girl.

But I never ever even dreamed that it would be HER.

How could it be HER?

You couldn't be serious, could you?

How I wish I never told anybody at all.

Nobody at all.

Then maybe everything would be different.

Maybe now,

I wouldn't be typing this post.

Maybe now,

I'll be happily dreaming of you,

Not typing this heart-breaking post.

If only...

And I'll go back in time and change it,

But I can't.

-

Quoted from Taylor Swift - Back to December.

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26.08.2011

I love you and you know that.

But you don't care.

Instead,

You go ahead and hurt me,

Break my heart.

Oh wait,

You didn't break my heart.

You only smashed it into a million pieces,

Hid it in thousands of different places,

Then leave me to look for them one by one on my own,

And to stick them back together.

When you left,

You took my heart away with you.

Away went the only illogical organ of my body that thinks best,

Away with my ability to love.

Crushes, maybe yes.

True love, no more.

But you know what?

You left something behind.

Memories.

Those little sweet bitter things in a box wrapped up in a beautiful wrapper.

And on the paper was a tag which said:

"My owner left me behind cause he wanted to forget somebody completely.

Could you take me in?"

Gosh,

You really wanted to wipe me off the face of this Earth,

Chase me away from your memory.

You really hated me then,

Didn't you?

So,

I held the box dearly in hand.

I slowly tore open the beautiful wrapper,

And looked inside.

There were lots of sweets inside.

All of them with different dates.

I took one

And popped it into my mouth.

Sweet.

It was sweet.

It was so sweet.

The day we had fun in class.

It reminded me of the running and chasing.

Sweet.

But the sweets didn't last long,

And melted in my mouth,

Leaving a trail of bitterness,

Telling me that it's all over.

Those sweets,

Our memories.

Melted away,

Died away.

But they were the only things that accompanied me through everything.

Each time I get hurt,

I eat a sweet,

And renewed another memory,

Another memory of you and me.

Those sweets,

Those memories.

Each one sweeter than each other,

Each one less bitter than the last one,

All making me stronger than before.

Building up my faith,

All telling me to hold on,

To wait,

And to believe.

I've spent a long time waiting.

And I'm not going to give up now.

I gave up all those wonderful chances to have a better life than what I'm having now.

I gave up all those chances to be better off than now.

Cause I made a decision.

I made a decision to wait.

And I will continue to wait for all the days in my life.

So you better make this wait worth it,

Hear me? :)

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22.08.2011

Life is short,

Living is challenging.

So while you're at it,

Enjoy it to the most. :)

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06.08.2011

I really, seriously dislike copycats.

Especially a particular copycat

Who doesn't feel shameful after being scolded for being a big, fat copycat

And continues her so called "profession",

Cause that's all she knows,

COPYING.

I mean seriously,

When people have the PASSION for writing,

They actually put in their time,

Their energy,

Their LIFE into writing.

It could take them hours,

Days,

Even WEEKS to get just the perfect word to express what they feel.

And what do you do with all that?

You just lift the few little muscles you have in your fingers,

And copy EVERYTHING

In two seconds.

Yeah,

So you get praises from people from far away places for your "creations".

But do you actually really feel the happiness?

The joy?

The feeling that you're actually good at something?

If you do,

Then you're bloody hell, dead hopeless.

If you don't,

I can explain why.

You don't feel the joy,

The success,

Cause all you feel is guilt.

You know you didn't really create that wonderful piece of writing.

That piece of writing doesn't belong to you,

Nor the praises you receive for it.

You know all that,

And that makes you feel guilty.

As somebody who used to be a copycat,

I understand what copycats feel.

They want attention,

They want to be praised,

And they have no idea how to get it.

So they copy creations,

Creations they thinks will get them the attention and praises they desperately need.

But you know what?

Actually, feeling guilty is okay.

Cause that shows you still have that purity inside you,

No matter how little that bit of purity is,

At least you still have it.

I admit I DO get angry when I see people copying what I write.

But after some time,

I forgive them,

Cause I know how it feels to be a copycat.

The fear of being found out,

It could terrify a full-grown adult.

All I wish is that they will repent,

Regret what they did,

Say sorry,

And promise to not copy anymore.

Cause copying doesn't show how good you are,

It only shows how pathetic you are,

How unimaginative you are,

How hopeless you really feel.

But when they do not repent,

Do not regret,

But say sorry just for the sake of it,

And keep on copying stuff all the same,

I declare war.

Trust me,

I want a peaceful life as much as you do,

So don't push me over the edge.

Is that too much to ask from you?

Please,

Repent,

Regret,

Realize.

Just that,

And all will be better,

I promise. :)

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P.S. Dedicated to a particular copycat.

You know who you are, no need to mention the name. :)

05.08.2011

What does the phrase:

"Happy Birthday!"

Actually mean?

A jolly, happy birthday?

A phrase said cause everybody's saying it?

Cause you don't have anything to say anymore?

Actually,

Saying:

"Happy Birthday" to people means,

You love them.

It could be friendship love, family love, enemy love, hate love or just pure love.

And you sincerely wish them a Happy Birthday

From the deepest part of your heart.

You wish them a happy year to look forward to,

You let them know you'll be there for them when they need you,

You let them feel loved and treasured.

Most of all,

You let them know that all the bad things you both have gone through this year has been forgotten,

And a new year awaits you all,

A new year to create new memories,

And new year to celebrate another birthday with them.

And all that can be represented by a simple, well-known phrase:

Happy Birthday :)

P.S. Dedicated to a friend I love. Yii Xin, Happy Belated Birthday. :)

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31.07.2011

You know you love someone when you want them to be happy,

And even though their happiness doesn't include you,

You still want them to be happy.

Cause you love them more than you need them.

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22.07.2011

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18.07.2011

Sometimes,

Somebody has to walk out of your life

So that someone better can walk in.

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09.07.2011

People say:

"Love hurts"

But they don't know anything.

They don't know anything at all.

Getting rejected hurts.

Losing someone you love a lot hurts even more.

When the one you love hurts you, it hurts the most.

But you know what?

Love is the only thing that can cover up all the pain,

Heal the wound it made,

And make everything better than it before.

So, people say:

"Live life, love life."

I say:

"Live life, love life, love love."

:)

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17.06.2011

When you fall in love with two boys,

And you have no idea which one to choose,

Choose the second one,

Cause if you truly loved the first one,

There wouldn't had been a second one.

Right now,

This girl here is having a huge mess in her heart.

She has done something terrible.

And she has to pay for it.

She fell for two boys.

And now,

She's having a major heart-mess.

She loves the first one,

And she knows it.

She also knows that the first one doesn't care a damn about her.

But she doesn't care a damn too, about that fact.

She still loves him anyway.

She has a major crush on the second one.

When she sees the second one,

She get all shy and clumsy.

And she has no idea what she does.

So, what exactly do with a heart like that?

My sister gave me two suggestions.

#1 Donate it. There are thousands of people out there dying because they couldn't wait

for a heart transplant.

#2 Leave it the way it is.

Well, I chose #2.

And I'm sticking with my choice.

So, I leave it the way it is.

When everything gets better,

Then the person I chose will clear the mess up for me.

:)

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06.06.2011

I was looking at your profile today.

I saw a recent picture of you.
I couldn't resist.
I clicked on it.
And I saw you.

I looked through your pictures.
And I realized.
I never took pictures with you.
I remember there was once.
You asked:
"Wanna take a picture?"
I said no.

Well, if I said yes now, would it be too late?
If not,
I'll say YES.
I want to have a picture with you.
That stupid, crazy face of yours next to mine.
Why in the world did I say no at that time?

I scanned through the pictures.
There were pictures of your birthday in the app. ' Birthday Calender'
I just realized.
I haven't sent you anything for your birthday this year.

I saw the pictures you had at the new place.
The place far far away from here...
The new people you met.
The new people you're hanging out with.
Well, at least this means you're doing well.

Then, I saw the pictures you took on the last day of school.
And my tears started to flow.
Flow and flow...

I missed you.
I know you don't care a damn about me.
But still, I miss you like crazy.

What happened that made me fall in love with a jerk like you?
Why do I love you so much?
Why do you seem like a jerk and a wonderful person at the same time?
Why...?

03.06.2011

I admit.
YES.
I'm J E A L O U S . . .

I get jealous when I see you being so close to her.
I get jealous when I hear you saying her name like she's your sweetheart.
I get jealous when I see you posting on her wall.
I get jealous when I see the pictures you had with her.
I get jealous when you talk to her and have that twinkle in your eyes.
I get jealous when you give her that lopsided smile of yours.

I'm sure you wouldn't care a damn if I got close with another guy.
You wouldn't care if when I say another guy's name like he's my dear.
You wouldn't notice when I post on another guy's wall.
You wouldn't mind when you see the picture I had with other guys.
You wouldn't be there when I talk to other guys or give them a wink.
You wouldn't feel anything when I give other guys a sweet smile.

You wouldn't feel anything.
But I feel just about
EVERYTHING.

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31.05.2011

You know what?
It hurts most,
When you love somebody so much.
But you know that that somebody doesn't care a damn about you.

Yet, you continue to love.

Cause that's how love works.
In a strange way.

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28.05.2011

I don't know why am I doing this to myself,
I have no idea why am I hurting myself like this.

GOD forgive me for missing youth tonight.
I know I should had said sorry.
But why I didn't?
I have no idea...

Nobody can ever understand the problems I'm facing.
They're treating me like dirt.
I don't even know if they qualify as my friends.
I turn the arrow around and point it to me.
Is it MY fault that made them treat me like that?
I have no idea...

What the heck have I done to deserve this? :(

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26.05.2011

I'm alone in a silent room.
I hear the things I said to you,
The things you said to me.

I've never heard silence this loud...

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25.05.2011

Why are you doing this to me?
You leave me when I needed you most.
You just said:
I don't like you anymore."
I forgave and tried to forget you.
And I finally succeeded after all those tears I dropped.

NOW,
You come back when I have everything I could ever ask for.
When I have thoroughly forgotten about you.
When I just began to settle down with my new life.
And whatdaya expect from me?
Forgiveness?
AGAIN?

Why do boys always mess with my life?
Boys are trouble plus heart breakers.
But you know what?
We all will gradually fall in love with one.
That's the confusing part.

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24.05.2011

I love shadows. ♥

Sista'! :DD

We had joy, we had fun, we were bonding in the sun.
:D

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